Basketball Wives - Episode One
Shaunie starts out by telling us how hard it is divorcing a basketball player because it's in the public eye. I'm sure the multiple kids and loss of income has nothing to do with it, but why go there??
Evelyn is learning how to be on her own after being with Antoine Walker for the last 10 years. She decides to celebrate her 34th birthday by having an Independence Day party.
We start out with Evelyn and her "event planner" going out and sampling different types of food and trying to find a location for the party. After much searching, Evelyn decides upon the upstairs of a trendy Miami Beach restaurant. While they're there, the issue of the guest list comes up and Evelyn says she's fine with everyone on it except Royce, the Miami Heat dancer. We see clips of Royce's dance "moves" from last weeks episode.
Next, Evelyn goes clothes shopping with Jennifer to pick out her outfit for the party. Of course the store they go to has your stereotypical gay "stylist" who takes over and starts pulling out outfits for Evelyn. Being gay, he's allowed to make various comments about Evelyn's breasts and even gets to slap her on the ass.... Something to be said for being gay. Finally he finds "The Dress" and entertains the girls with a "hallo, hallo, hallo". They love him, I may vomit... Once the dress is selected, more talk ensues about Royce and how the "wives" are concerned she'll ruin their reputations.... I don't think they have anything to worry about, their reputations are already ruined... Surprise, surprise they decide to invite her.
Jennifer has lunch with her soon to be ex husband Eric Williams. I wish I could give you more details, but I couldn't understand him as I left my ebonics dictionary at the office.... Something to do with him being concerned that Jennifer spends all her time with Evelyn who's now single and he needs to know what his wife is up to. It was either that, or he wanted to discuss Obama's new Medicare program. One or the other, your guess is as good as mine. During the conversation we discover that Eric's nickname is "Jabber Jaw" or "JJ" for short... The only reason I know that is because the show decided to honor us with subtitles for that section. He really is impossible to understand. Suffice it to say, Eric won't be asked to hold any book readings for young kids in the near future.
We also find out Eric has been unfaithful to Jennifer (surprise!) and he tries to justify it by saying all men have needs and when basketball players are on the road they need something to relive their stress..... I'm going to try that on my wife next time I go out of town and see what her opinion is. I'm thinking it won't fly.
Day of the party comes and Evelyn gets her hair done. The hairdresser says she's going to set her up and Evelyn comments about how things have changed in 10 years, as now everyone sends emails, texts and pictures. I wouldn't mind Evelyn sending me a few photo's. Just saying...She also says no basketball players, football players or golfers, which just shows how far Tigers popularity has dropped when a ho doesn't even want him.
Finally, the big event comes and Evelyn says she's ready to party! Every things great till we realize Royce isn't there. They decide to start without her. Of course, when you mix alcohol and ho's that equals trouble, and it's not long before Jennifer and another guest are cat fighting and disrespecting each other. The show doesn't explain what this is all over but before it escalates to far, Jennifer decides to head to the bathroom with her girls and cool off. She doesn't want to ruin Evelyn's party. She be classy... When she gets back from the bathroom, the lights dim, a birthday cake arrives, the music cranks and Royce is in the house! She's in a skimpy outfit and says her gift to Evelyn is a "sexual performance", because that's the best gift she can give. okay, then.
Just like last week, she puts on a gyrating, thrusting, grinding routine. Evelyn wasn't quite as impressed as Terrell and Ludacris were, but she takes the high ground and does a lot of smiling and laughing during the dance. Evelyn informs us Royce kind of looks like a "little girl, but then she's thrusting her vagina everywhere". Even the gay stylist goes with an "O.M.G." so you know it was good if the gay community is shocked.
Afterwards, Evelyn is nice and thanks Royce telling her she liked it. Royce has another satisfied customer!
The only thing left was for Shaunie to come back on and tell us how bummed she was in having to miss the party and tells us how happy she is for Evelyn and how proud she was of how she carried herself. As we see more shots of Royce dancing, we hear Shaunie say "some of the women could learn a few things from her, a little confidence can go a long way".
Thank you Mother Theresa!
On clips for next week, the girls are criticizing Royce's small breast size and how you can't tell her front from her back. Royce informs us all you need is a handful. Girl has much to learn!
Till next week,
Bill
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