Thousands of emails keep pouring into my inbox all asking the same thing….. “Bill what are your most memorable/top sports stories of 2006?" Yes I know ESPN has their list as does CNNSI, Sporting News, etc…. but do theirs come with quotes from Wedding Crashers????
I think not!
Ok, so without further ado, here are a 1/5th of Bill’s Top Sport Stories for 06, starting with number 12 (drum roll please………):
12) Craig: “I Craig, take you Christina, to be my wife, my best friend and my 1st mate. Through sickness and health, through clear skies and squalls…..”
Christina Cleary: “I, Christina, take you, Craig, to be my best friend and my captain…. To be your anchor and your sail….. your starboard and your port.”
Possibly the most touching quote from the movie goes to the most touching story in sports this past year. Back on May 20th, Kentucky Derby winner
Barbaro fractures his hind leg at the start of the Preakness. After an infection almost forced the trainers to put him down, he turned the corner and is doing well now. His racing days are over, but it looks like there’ll be a filly or two in his future that’ll be his starboard and his port!
11) John Beckwith: “Don’t waste your time on girls with hats. They tend to be very proper.”
Jeremy Grey: “Yeah? Well, the proper girl in the hat just eye-@$&*ed the @$* out of me.”
Just as it’s surprising to get those reactions from a “proper girl” it was just as surprising what happened on September 6th.
MLB’s 1st no hitter in 2 years came from Florida Marlins rookie pitcher Anibal Sanchez. He shut out the Arizona Diamondbacks 2-0 and made all of Red Sox nation say “why did we trade him again????????”
10)Chaz Ringold: “What is she doing back there? I never know what she’s doing….”
And neither do we when it comes to Barry Bonds! Is Barry on steroids, should he be in the hall of fame or should he be in jail for perjury? Well we do know 1 thing he’s doing, he’s breaking records. On May 28th, he hit his
715th home run by passing Babe Ruth and moving into second place on the all time list. He ended the season with 734 leaving him only 21 behind Hank Aaron. Barring his knee’s going out (or someone finally coming out with direct evidence showing he cheated) expect him to move into 1st place in home runs sometime around July 20th (yes that’s my prediction).
9) John Beckwith: “Claire’s mom just made me grab her hooters.”
Jeremy Grey: “Well snap out of it! What, a hot older woman made you feel her cans? Stop crying like a little girl!”
John Beckwith: “I wasn’t crying like a little girl.”
Jeremy Grey: “Why don’t you try getting jacked off under the table in front of the whole damn family and have some real problems, jackass. Hey, what were they like anyway? They looked pretty good, are they real? Are they built for speed or comfort? What’d you do with them? Motorboat? You play the motorboat? Ssssssssppppppllllllllllll. You motorboatin son of a bitch! You old sailor you! Where is she? She still in the house???”
Ahhh, probably the most quoted line in the movie, an instant classic…… Well right now we have a classic player having a season that’ll be talked about for years on end. On Dec. 10th,
LaDainian Tomlinson broke the single season touchdown record in just 13 games. He put up numbers 27, 28 and 29 in a magnificent 3 touchdown performance against the Seattle Seahawks. With 1 game left in the regular season he has 33 touchdowns and barring some unforeseen injury, a ticket to Canton 7 years from now when he retires. Mrs. Cleary is built for comfort, LT is built for speed. Way to go you old sailor you!
8) Secretary Cleary: “Once Zack and Claire tie the knot, two of the great American families will finally be united”.
John Beckwith: “And then you can challenge the Klingons for interstellar domination”.
And speaking of two of the great American families, two of the great American baseball teams hooked up this year in the
World Series. The St. Louis Cardinals and the Detroit Tigers. The series wasn’t overly exciting with the Cardinals coming out on top 4-1, but the fact that 2 of the most storied franchises in the history of baseball were playing made it memorable. The victory by the Cardinals gave them 10 World Series Titles which is the most for any team in the National League. Now they can challenge the Klingons…….
7) John Beckwith: “What’s wrong with you?”
Jeremy Grey: “What do you mean “what’s wrong with me?” What’s wrong with you?”
John Beckwith: “No, what’s wrong with you?”
Jeremy Grey: “No, what’s wrong with you? You’re projecting!”
John Beckwith: “Drop it.”
Jeremy Grey: “You drop it! You stop projecting on me! Why don’t you go enjoy yourself while I go ice my balls and spit up blood.”
John Beckwith: “Drop it!”
Jeremy Grey: “Team player!”
On June 20th, the Miami Heat wrapped up their first ever
NBA title behind their “team player” Dwayne Wade. Shaq won his 4th championship and in the process shoved it down the throats of the losers in LaLa Land! Miami started off in the series losing the 1st 2 games but then proceeded to win the final 4 and downing the Mavericks 4-2. Will it be Shaq Diesel’s last hurrah or will he be ready come playoff time to “project” his will onto his opponents? We’ll have to wait and see…
6) Jeremy Grey: “Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bull’s eye.”
Speaking of a bull’s eye and the Lakers, on Jan. 22nd (my birthday…)
Kobe Bryant turned in one of the all time great individual, exciting performances when he scored 81 points in a victory over the Toronto Raptors. It was the 2nd highest scoring game in the history of the league and it gave the NBA a much needed shot in the arm. He was 28-46 from the floor and 18-20 from the free throw line. After being down by 18 early in the 3rd quarter, Kobe scored 27 points in the quarter and another 28 in the 4th quarter carrying the Lakers to a 122-104 victory. His 55 points in the second half was only 4 behind the record of 59 held by Wilt Chamberlain when he had his 100 pt game back in 1960. And unlike that game that wasn’t televised, this game will be running on NBA Classic 50 years from now and you can say to your grandkids “I remember that night when Black Mamba went for 81, he was unstoppable!”
5) Jeremy Grey: “Gloria, I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching recently, and I think I’m ready to take this relationship, our relationship to the next level.”
Gloria Cleary: “Jeremy, I am so ready to take it to the next level.”
Jeremy Grey: “Really?”
Gloria Cleary: “Yeah. Do you want to watch me with another girl? How about those Brazilian twins we met at the ball game?”
Jeremy Grey: “I was thinking more along the lines of an engagement.”
Gloria Cleary: “Oh Jeremy, I do!”
Jeremy Grey: “I love you.”
Gloria Cleary: “I love you.”
I can think of few things as exciting as watching Gloria with Brazilian twins, but this one came close! On Sept 18th the
LA Dodgers hit back to back to back to back home runs in the bottom of the 9th to tie up their game against the Padres and then won it in the bottom of the 10th when Nomahhh hit a walk off 2 run home run! One of the amazing things about this that the last 6 hits for “Los Dodgers” were all home runs, as Kenny Lofton hit a solo shot in the 6th………. Ok, now about those Brazilian twins………………..
4) Flip: “Yeah! Crab cakes and Football. That’s what Maryland does!!”
Well I don’t know about crab cakes, but the Pittsburgh Steelers do know football as they finally got their “1 for the thumb” as they beat the Seattle Seahawks 21-10 in
Super Bowl XL. Ben Roethlisberger became the youngest starting QB ever to win a Super Bowl, “Fast” Willie Parker showed he was the real deal and Hines Ward took home the MVP. To top it off, a class act in Jerome Bettis finally got his ring after 13 years in the league and he rode off into the sunset as the 5th all time rusher in NFL history. Hopefully he had a crab cake or 2 to celebrate!
3) Chazz Reinhold: “Yeah, her boyfriend just died. In a hang-gliding accident! What an idiot! What a loser! (Chazz imitating dead boyfriend) “Hey, I’m hang-gliding! Aaaaahhh! Take a picture, honey, I’m dead!!!”
One of the funniest “inspiring” scenes in the movie fits well with one of the funest, inspiring championship teams of the year. The
Florida Gators rolled thru the NCAA tournament winning their 1st ever men’s hoop championship. Led by Sophomore Joakim Noah, Florida blew out UCLA 73-57 in the finals. The team is young, talented, energetic and led by Billy Donovan. Four of their five starters return this year and come March Madness will be looking to defend their championship!
2) Gloria Cleary: “Don’t ever leave me!”
Jeremy Grey: “Ever.”
Gloria Cleary: “Good. ‘Cause I’d find you!”
Ok, who was the psycho athlete of 2006? Well back in July during the world cup final won by Italy, French star
Zinedine Zidane (the Wayne Gretzky of soccer….) committed which can only be described as one of the stupidest and psychotic things ever in the Championship of a major event. The two teams were tied early in the second half when Zidane let his emotions run away with him and he head butted an Italian defender in the chest … Italy went on to win in penalty kicks.
1)John Beckwith: “Rule #1: Never leave a fellow crasher behind.”
That’s right, you win as a team and lose as a team, and nobody was better about the winning than Vince Young and the Texas Longhorns. Vince put the team on his back during the season and in what many are calling the greatest
BCS Championship game ever! In a back and forth contest, Young ran in the winning touchdown on a 4th and 5 play with just a few seconds left to lead Texas to a 41-38 win. It gave the Longhorns their 4th national championship but 1st since 1970. Hook Em Horns!
Well there you have it, my most memorable sporting moments from the year. I’m looking forward to what 2007 holds and see if it can compare to 06.
Hope everyone enjoys New Years eve and if you’re out and about please remember to “drink responsibly”!
Ciao,
Bill
